What is Unhappy?

What is unhappy? I really don't know. At first it seems to be an emotion, but I really do not believe that is accurate. One definition of happy, according to the Random House Dictionary, is characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy. Happy is clearly an emotion. Sadness is often considered to be the opposite of happiness. Sadness is defined as being expressive of or characterized by sorrow. Unhappiness is not the same as sadness. The prefix 'un-' means not, opposite, or take something away. Doesn't it stand to reason that unhappiness simply means not happy?

I do not feel sad in my relationship with the SO. I feel a complete lack of happiness, a deep unhappiness from which I feel unable to escape. He and I are incompatible on every scale that matters, and even a few that don't. Our beliefs on a wide range of issues, values, quantity and quality of communication, interests, educational level, goals, time-lines, and priorities are all so different that we are nearly at polar opposites on all of it. I am unhappy. I do not know what that means, truly, but I am.

I got home from counseling today and he was already home. After talking about a few other things, he asked me how it went. I talked a lot about how incompatible we are and what to do about it. I couldn't tell him that, so I told him that she just gave me a lot to think about. He asked, "like what?" I told him one thing was the fact that I get myself into situations that confirm that I am a bad person. For instance, in our relationship I have never gone an entire week without doing something "wrong," ever. If I stay in the relationship, I feel that I am a bad person because I am always doing something wrong (i.e. hurtful, neglectful, irritating, etc.). If, however, I decided to break off the relationship, I am also a horrible person because I am hurting the SO. I did not give him that example, but simply gave him the overall view.

I cannot remember what started the next part of the conversation, but be began a diatribe about how all women are sneaky and conniving. I asked why, rather sarcastically, if he felt that way he didn't just choose to be gay. After he rejected that idea, I asked why he felt that way. Apparently all women use s*x to get what they want, as a manipulative tool. He then moved onto an ideal that I find almost too difficult to believe. Women are sneaky and conniving and yet they wonder why men treat them the way they do. I must have said something because he quickly responded that he didn't want to continue the conversation since we never agree on anything. I took a step back from the edge and asked if I could just confirm his meaning. I asked him if he meant that abused women did something to deserve it. I don't think that he actually used the word "yes," but he said something to that general effect. All I could say was, "oh." I just dropped the subject. He said something about not believing in hitting women himself, but being able to understand why other men do.

That is incredible to me. I suppose, to some extent, this is where the difference in level of education becomes huge. It is great that he is amazing at math (although not advanced stuff like Calculus). Unfortunately, many of his beliefs are archaic and in no way based on current research.

I don't know if I can handle this. I have no idea what I can do to make it better. Break is the week after next. I think we need to sit down and talk. He gives hints periodically that he is not happy. He will not take responsibility for it though. We really need to talk. I am exhausted and nothing makes sense anymore.

Life sucks sometimes.

Me