Proof

Tonight proves that I am a horrible person. I knew it. I always knew it. What kind of person does this cr*p??? Who would want to do such a thing? Easy answer - an awful person. Why doesn't anyone believe me? They can't know; they aren't in my head. How the hell can they know that I am a good person. No one knows jack shit. NO ONE!

I am the only one with an inside look! ONLY I HAVE THAT KIND OF ACCESS! How dare anyone presume to know what kind of person I am. All of the lines about what they have heard from other people are crap. Those people were abused. It makes sense that they would think they were horrible people. It is reasonable for them to believe that they are bad or dark or evil. IT ALL MAKES SENSE FOR THEM! Nothing makes sense for me. I have no abusive history. I have nothing, no reason. Nothing exists to suggest some horrible life except for the way I think. Maybe that's just the way I think and just happens to be "out there" for NO GOOD REASON.

I wish that everyone would just believe me and stay away from me for their own good. I wish that everyone could see it. If they could, even my mother would. She wouldn't stand by me if she really knew. Then I could die. I wouldn't feel guilty about leaving others behind, and I could die. WHY CAN'T ANYONE SEE IT!?!

I hate this. I want to curl up in a corner wrapped up in a huge comforter and just cry. It will never happen. I am not so lucky. I want to die.

Me