A nightmare

Thanksgiving was wonderful yesterday. Dinner came out great, and having the family down here was fun. I am looking forward to leftovers for the next week. We have SO many!

After everyone left to go home, and most of the cleaning was done (except for a few dishes soaking), "things" had come due. He had been bugging me earlier in the day to give it up before family came over. I was in the middle of cooking and refused. Unfortunately, to appease him, I promised that I would before the end of the day. It was the end of the night, and I felt like I couldn't say no (I mean, I had promised). I survived it, but I hate it. I hate the way that it feels and that my body responds to it at all. I told him that the other day when we were talking about it. He didn't believe me. He thinks that, because my body responds once "things" get started, I must enjoy it. Enjoyment is NOT a physical response. Enjoyment is a perception in the mind, and enjoyment isn't something that I feel like that. I HATE it!

I went to bed last night, and watched TV for a little while. I eventually fell asleep around 1 am. I had nightmare last night too, and it seemed to go on forever. I was on a college campus, and a lot of people I knew were there. We had several random activities like going to some place to have a special black and white picture taken. I had to find a ride to go to the photographer, but couldn't. I ended up just walking around the campus looking for a friend of mine. (Side note: This friend's name is Bev. I met her at Sheppard Pratt and was friends with her for several years. I lost touch with her, and miss her a lot. She was a great friend.) I just knew that she had planned to attend the college at the same time I had, but I couldn't find her. I ended up in the cafeteria, and some guy came up behind me and grabbed me around the chest. He pulled me to the floor. I screamed and screamed, and all of the people around us in the cafeteria ignored us. Some glanced over, but no one helped me. He grabbed my br**sts and reached around and tried to grab my cr*tch. I finally managed to get away, but my clothes were gone. All I had left (on) were my bra and underwear. I ran and ran until I got to some office. She tried to help me a little bit in taking a report, but couldn't offer much. She told me to go back to my room and put on some clothes. I had to walk back in my underwear, ashamed and afraid. When the worst of the dream was over, I still couldn't escape it. I continued to wander around the grounds, getting lost in places I had never been before.

I woke up and couldn't separate the dream from reality for a good 40 minutes or so. It was very scary. I hate nightmares. Now it is time to move on with the day. Hopefully it will be much better than that.

Me